yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
