Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I love you.
Bad choice
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
