I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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