I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
