Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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