im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
