did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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