PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
