Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
