hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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