my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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