i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
