Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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