All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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