We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize