the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
