My room smells like vodka and shame
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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