Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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