he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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