Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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