There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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