Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
