I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think people are normalizing furries
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
