If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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