I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
