M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
