$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
