Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize