Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
