I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize