A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
