My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
