Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
