I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
