Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
