it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
