As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize