i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
