How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
