Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
