All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
