it wasn't lemon gatorade
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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