Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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