Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
