dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
