an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
