So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
