I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
please come you make the beer taste better
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
