i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
