Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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