just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
