I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
