Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
