I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
