those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize