I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
