Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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