My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
