Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
