Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
