i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
BRING THE BAGELS
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
