You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
