I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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