I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I faked an abortion last night.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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