I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
