textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
