tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
