the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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