Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
